Day 27 – running in circles

Ups and downs… Always ups and downs. Sometimes i feel like i want to stop moving breathing and living alltogether. 

I want Him to be many thigs, but He’s none of them. 

Maybe i want too much. Probably it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have fallen in love in the first place. But i CANT FUCKING HELP IT. It just wont go away and He will keep breaking my heart. Into million tiny pieces which will never fit together again. It hurts. Sometimes its good but now? What i feel now is pure pain. Like someone is stabbing me in the chest… Will it ever be more bearable? Or do i need to really stop? Should i try again to forget everything? Would it be better if id disappeared? 

So many questions and i dont have the answers. I want Him but i can’t have Him. 

Fuck this shit. 

Anger, frustration, doubt, lonliness, desperation, obsession…

I miss Him so much… I keep thinking back when we started talking.. How He wouldn’t stop texting, how i could feel His obsession with me as well. Now those are gone and they’ll never be back. Things change. Either i can except them or i should leave.

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