Much can happen within 24 hours.. I don’t even know where to start. After I posted yesterday, I finished my first drink then went to training. It started as shit, but turned out pretty well at the end. The guys were super supportive, one of them a psychiatrist student gave me a number – I think he saw that I’m completely fucked up at the moment…
After training I rushed back home, chose my dress, did my make up and rushed to the wedding. I was panicking again. I went alone and met my boyfriend there – he also was working before. Anyway, as soon as I stepped inside, I grabbed a drink. I was the first one being drunk there. That was my only aim at the beginning. Get drunk, stay drunk. My phone battery was dying so I wasn’t sure how long can I talk with Him. He barely texted the whole day.
Then I did something stupid.
me: I’m really drunk
I wanna show you the blog
He: Send me a link ffs
My day can’t get any shittier
Just don’t block me
I love you, in case I die
Then the endless waiting began… Drink after drink, me sitting there, checking my phone, watching my battery go down form 20% to 18%… He hasn’t even seen my text! 16% – nothing. 14% – nothing and so on.
After 82 minutes He finally saw my texts and after 14 more minutes He read everything.
I think He was pleased.
After we went home, I put my phone on charger. He was still up, thank God. We talked and He was super sweet again
me: Sooooo about the blog
Are You okay with it?
He: Yes, it’s fine.
…. beyond fine
me: I’m a bit embarrasssed
It’s like… I don’t know…
He: That’s why I rewarded you
He: I get it
He continued our story! Oh yeah and the best thing? This i missed to tell you on Day 1 – He eventually let me use His part as well! So I’ll post them on every Mon and Thurs. This is perfect right now!
He: I told you before I’m like a cenobite. I know
what’s inside you, I’m your angel and
your demon all at once. I try not to be, I want to
just be an angel, because that’s what is good
for you. But… but I know you need the demon as well.
me: I don’t even know which one i need more
He: Which is why i’m both
me: but then BE BOTH
I don’t wanna stop
I really don’t
I can try, if that’s what You want, but i don’t want to!
He: I know and I can’t get you out of my head
I think He took me back.
I am so confused though… I’m happy but scared at the same time. I just don’t wanna believe it yet… He said we have to talk things trough. Set up rules I guess. I’ll do whatever He wants as long as He keeps me around.
Everything is fragile.
I have to be the perfect slave for Him, I have to be good.