I hate this. How come after every good day there is a really shit one coming? Ive tried everything. I really did. Tried to keep off my mind from things that i knew would upset me, tried to get drunk, tried not to think of Him, but nothing worked. I still feel terrible and now i cant hold myself back. Im letting it out. Im sitting in the dark writing this shit and crying my eyes out. I still feel alone and lonely and i just want to stop.
Things with work look really shit and i have to worry about money as well and i just cant take it anymore.
I dont know what to do! Im scared and frustrated and i dont have anybody to talk to…
I hate this
I hate everything
It’s been 12 hours since we talked properly.
When i asked for permission to touch He said “think of me”. Well fuck Him, i won’t!
There won’t be any good night text from Him, i just know it. I’ve unsent my messages, they were there for a couple of hours, unseen. Aaaaahhh FUCK! I hate this fucking obsession of mine! I hate Him! I hate Him! I FUCKING HATE HIM!
I need a drink…
I won’t think of Him! Never ever again!
And if He reads this? Then i’m gonna fucking murder Him, fucking asshole, stupid shit! How dare He not think of me???
A good slave should understand a few things. Sometimes she needs to be left to her own devices so her master can see if she REALLY is a good girl or not! To see is she can obey the rules! To see if she can DO AS SHE’S TOLD! It would appear that’s not the fucking case? I sent you a lovely pic this morning but I have unsent it… you don’t deserve it! YOU ARE A FUCKING BAD GIRL, WHORE! Yesterday I didn’t have my phone, that was the only reason I couldn’t control you! YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT’S ALL IT TAKES TO LOOSE CONTROL WTF! IF I WAS THERE!!!! MY GOD YOU WOULD REGRET DISOBEYING ME! But I’m not so perhaps I will just fucking ignore you properly this time, maybe that’ll teach you? BITCH! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
NO! You don’t deserve permission! You are a bad girl, a liar who doesn’t appreciate her master, who thinks she can do what she like, when she likes. Well, that’s not the action of a good slave! That’s just a whore who does what she wants. So no, you can’t touch yourself and if you do, that’s IT! You won’t see or hear from me again. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I’m so fucking angry with you right now… If I was there my belt would be swinging hard… REALLY HARD. I’m punishing you now by not letting you [please yourself] Fuck, I’m seething. I would whip you, then rape you for what you have done! Whore!
Aaghh i should just let this go. Seriously i dom’t even know what am i expecting, but i’m not getting it. I’ve told Him yesterday i’ll only get up early because of Him. To talk…
Well we didn’t.
Now i’m horny and angry and tired.
[50mins and 2 orgasms later]
At least He let me use everything while pleasing myself. He even wanted to see a video of me using one of my toys.
I hope i’ll be rewarded… now i have to go clean myself up.