Day 20 – morning

Yesterday was perfect. Well not perfect perfect, but close enough. No panic, no worries, for the first time in many many days i really was fine. Of course we were fighting with my boyfriend – us fighting’s getting to be the basline of our relationship nowadays… But it’s not like i’m sitting there in quiet not letting him know it’ll poison our realtionship… I tell him how i feel, i fuckimg won’t let anyone there guessing. I’m not that girl. If i have something on my mind i fucking tell it. Straight, honest, no hints… Anyway, besides our usual fight with boyfriend (which at least was based on real problems instead of fictive ones, at least) everything was okay. Small progress with work, taking care of doctor stuff for the competition and… Well, Him. I was alright without Him all day, i was really busy. Then at night… God, He was so sweet. He is perfect in so many ways. He made a video for me and hearing His voice finally.. well it almost made me cry… happy tears though. That was the last thing of my day and i fell asleep smiling, which i don’t even know when happened last time. He read the blog again though (His excuse He was bored… i really should move this to somewhere else) maybe that’s what made Him realize how important He really is to me.. Ahh i don’t know, He probably knows this without my blog anyway… So, yes. Yesterday was perfect. Perfect with all its flaws, just as i like. 

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Day 14 – no phone

So His phone is taken to get fixed. I think He’ll get it back today afternoon, which means no texting again. I thought i won’t see Him online this morning at all, then the nicest thing happened. He managed to send me a good morning text on messenger. I woke up smiling and everything. Now He’s gone again, He said maybe He’ll have a few mins on xbox later on, but we’ll see. I am okay somehow, it’s weird. I miss Him, yes, but it’s like.. i have this strong feeling of security and safety.. Like i know for sure that i am wanted? I’m sure it won’t last long though.. i know myself, my mind likes to twist things, make me believe the worst things – so i’m enjoying this while it lasts.