Darkness

It’s dark in here. I’m alone. Deep down, in a hole, far away from friendy eyes.. there is nothing friendly here. Only bones, guts and blood. I feel sick. I don’t want to be here, I cry for help but only the echo of my own voice responses. I try to climb but I keep falling back. Just let me die then – I scream into the darkness. No answer. Even the echo left me. I am alone. Fear takes control of me. I start to shake, I try to stop it but it’s no use. 

Back in the day this would have been a perfect time to hurt myself. I still have my last blade hidden somewhere. As a reminder, that I could do it but I chose not to. I made my decision. Never again. Now I have my vodka to ease the pain.

I don’t like being lonely.

I ask Him to say He loves me but it’s too late, He’s already gone to sleep. I’ll find His nicest texts instead… that’ll help me to calm down.

Good night