Day 13 – morning pleasure

I woke up to His text… I was horny to start with, He didn’t even have to say anything. I asked for permission to touch myself and come

me: can i touch myself?
He: Yes, you can but I want a photo at least
me: Am i allowed to come?
He: Yes
       Think of me
       Eating your pussy and ass
       Getting my tongue right in both
       And come in your ass
       I’m off, I expect some good images from you

No permission to use anything in my pussy though… So that left me only my clit and ass. I’m not a big fan of anal, i can count on one hand the times i had it and never done it for myself… only like rubbing or maybe half a finger, just for fun.. But He wanted to fuck me in the ass.. who am i to take it away from Him? I got my red dildo.. Thank God it’s not thick though… I readied my camera, put it on my bed and knelt over it so He could see everything. I applied lube and started to push it into my ass. It did hurt… badly. But i was strong and pushed it further. Centimeter by centimeter it went deeper and deeper… the pain started to subtle and as i started to rub my clit i noticed i’m really wet. The pain turned me on instantly… I was holding the dildo on the bed and started to ride it. As i moved the pain became more intense. I started to sweat as i moved faster and faster fucking that dildo, imagining His cock going in and out of me. The pain became so intense i wanted to stop but i had to keep going for Him. I changed position, laying on my back, legs in my neck, the red dildo standing out of my ass and i’m rubbing my clit as crazy.. Then i remembered i can turn it on… It starts to vibrate inside me and warmth rushes through me.. It feels so good i can’t describe it. I turn on my camera again, i want Him to see me come. My body is on fire, i can’t breathe and i’m shaking. I’m fucking my ass as hard as i can and i’m enjoying the pain it causes. I’m seconds away from coming and i’m imagining Him fucking me like that, His cock moving in me, His fingers rubbing my clit and that does it… I’m coming hard… I lie there for a couple of seconds, then i turn off the dildo, i’m pulling it out, it hurts some more then the pain is gone. I’m turning off the camera as well… I hope He will be pleased

Day 11 – no texting

He dropped His phone in the toilet. Now it’s turned off, because it’s not working properly. He will leave it turned of for the whole day – which means no texting. We talked on xbox though and He asked me not to be upset, this doesn’t mean He stops thinking of me and shit, but i can’t keep it together. It’s been only an hour since we talked and i said i’m gonna be okay, but i’m already having my fucked up thoughts and panics.. Why is it this hard?! Why can’t i live without Him – it’s not that He disappeared, He’s just unable to text, but still. I can’t stop thinking of Him, i can’t go on with my day if i don’t get my regular dose of Him and i just feel awful. It’s like a fucking physical dependence… God, i need help – this is not normal. I want Him so bad, it hurts. Just to read His texts, to talk… I didn’t realise i was this addicted until now… I mean we never had to stop texting for more than an hour really and today? Between 9-14 i had no idea what the fuck was going on, He just disappeared.

Ah.. I have to go to work, but i don’t want to log off of xbox, maybe he invites me back and wants to talk a few more minutes… How will i survive this day? Maybe woth alcohol it would be easier but i really HAVE to stop drinking.. Competition in 2 weeks, i really don’t have the luxury to fuck up my training sessions and shit. So i’ll start with today. No alcohol today.

Fuck my life…

I don’t know what/who am i without Him anymore.

He defines my life. He is the center of my universe. I live to please Him…
He came to my life and changed everything. It’s not simply love, it’s way more than that. I gave myself to Him, He controls me. I breathe for Him. He is everything.

I am His.

My body burns for Him.
My heart beats for Him.
My soul longs for His possession.

Caring words III

He: I have a pic of my current mood you will love

[sends picture, His belt in His hand, looking at me like i did something wrong. He wants to punish me. Somehow He turned all His aggression, frustration and anger into this sole thing – punishing me]

me: oh God
I want You to hurt me
He: i will
me: Thank You, Sir
He: My good girl. Its a good job im not there as i would take it out on you.  You wouldn’t be able to leave the apartment today
me: i wouldn’t mind
I mean it
He: I know… So do I
me: God… i’m so wet
He: Good
       I would roll up my belt  nice and tight and fuck you with it before beating your ass with it
       You wouldn’t be able to sit down for the rest of the day
me: Hhmmmhhmm
Fuck my life
He: In fact I would make you stand in the corner until i needed you again
       Naked
       Hands on head belt round you neck
       Waiting to be used
me: God
He: Show me your pussy, slave
       NOW

[I’m at the gym, working. My trainees are there. But i don’t care. I’m in the middle of a sentence and i leave it unfinished as i hurry to the bathroom, unbuttoning my shorts, pulling down everything and taking a picture for Him]

me: as You wish
He: Photo was blank
       Do it again

[Sending it again]

He: Pretty
       Where are you?
me: Gym
Can i go back?
He: Yes. Go on.
me: Thank you
He: But i want more later
me: Anything
He: Want to see you fuck yourself with that dildo
me: God
Please don’t

[I never used one. I don’t want Him to see.. I am embarrassed, what if i do it wrong somehow? I’m afraid of letting Him down. It’s too much! He is the only one who saw me pleasing myself, nobody else ever watched me. It’s too personal… God, i just want to please Him!]

He: YOU FUCKING WHAT!
me: i am sorry, Sir
He: I should think so
      Whore
me: i can’t breathe
He: Good 
       Fucking deny me again and you will regret it
me: i just…
Nevermind, i’m sorry
I won’t deny You
He: GOOD
       Unless you have a real reason don’t deny me what I want
me: I’m embarrassed, is that a good enough reason?
He: No not reason enough. You are my fucking slave i dont care if you are embarrassed
me: I’m burning up, my heart is racing and i can’t breathe
I want You
I want You so bad it hurts
He: I will fuck you later

Day 6 – afternoon

I must have been a really good girl… He was so pleased with me. And He gave me what i wanted. It was so perfect, how He teased me while i was on my way home, He made me so horny i was shaking. Then i had to take a shower and He only wanted to see a picture of my ass. Then we talked.

He talked…

His voice.. The sweetest thing on earth. Strong, demanding and soft and caring all in the same time. Even when He’s only talking about training or grocery shopping or anything.. it gets me every time. I’m clinging on His words. It makes me forget everything else. While He talks, nothing else exists. He fills up my mind, shutting out everything, making room for nothing else.

He called me His good girl… Then He asked me if i was His whore.. i said yes…
‘Yes, what?’ – he asked.
‘Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir.’ – i answered.
‘Better’ – He said…

He told me a story. A very detailed one. He listened to me moaning and panting asking questions if i was doing as i was told. I did everything exactly as He asked – sorry, wanted it. He told me when to breathe in, told me for how long to hold it and – not like before – this time it was freakin hard to hold it! When i started to moan in discomfort, He told me to hold it. Then He told me to hold even longer. Then He let me breathe out and i was panting, moaning and screaming in pleasure. I think He enjoyed that.

He could hear on my voice when i was close… He said He wants to come when i do and that… well it was just perfect. He did come in the exact moment i did and it made it fucking perfect. For me it was so full of emotions it made me cry. Then He said he would hug me, hold me tight, He said He would be there for me, to calm me and i could hear in His voice He really really ment what He said. He said He loves me. My heartrate slowed.. i could breathe normally once again, then He said something which made my heart beat faster once again.

You have to know we’re planning to meet in Sept. His country. I really don’t know what to expect. Until now i was thinking we would talk, He said mayne hold hands a lot.. but you see, now He starts to talk about a friend there. With a room. He talks about how He would take me there.

I’m not gonna just hold your fucking hand…
[Pause]
I’m not gonna fuck you, but I’m gonna punish you. You will get what you want

God.. What if He’s serious? What if He means it? I don’t even know which one would make me happier.. if He means it, or not.

But i do know, don’t i?! I want Him to punish me. I want Him to choke me until i pass out, i want Him to hold me tight, i want Him to explore my body, i want Him to make me suck His cock and i want Him to come in my mouth and kiss me after…