Day 18 – tough night

He made me cry. Again. How can He not see when He’s hurting me? Or is He doing it on purpose? 

I need to stop being in love. 

It hurts me too much…


Day 1 – 08:05

I’m at work. I’ve been crying since I’ve left home. He didn’t give me permission to use His side of the stories unless I let Him see this blog. Which I would, I really would.. I want Him to see this, but it looks like His not interested in it at all. He is still just fucking with me. Again and again and I’m letting Him do it. Fuck my life.

And the crazy part is? I’m still horny, i’m wet my clit is throbbing and I’m crying in the same time. He messed me up real bad and I’m not sure if I can come back to being a normal person after all of this.

I wish He would care!

Where is the hope He gave me yesterday? I want it back… I can’t handle Him when He’s this cold and harsh. It hurts too much. I need to stop texting with Him… but I just can’t!
I can’t imagine life without Him, He is a part of my word.. fuck, He is my world, my everything… God I feel so overwhelmed, I feel sick…

Okay. Lets try this again. I have to forget Him. No texts. No calls. Nothing.

I need a drink…

Day 0 – still here

Ah.. well I just had to touch myself.. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn’t… I was browsing through my phone and there were videos of Him… I moved them to a secure place but I had to watch them.. Ah how they turned me on.. Oh God… He is… Perfect!

I wonder if he still watches my videos and uses them… I hope he does.

Ah seriously girl, you have to stop this! Grrrr…  I don’t even know whom I’m cross with.. Him or myself? Fuck I miss Him!

If you Dear Reader have any good advice how to let someone so important go, don’t keep it in please, I really need help here… It physically hurts! He did call me after gym, and He was so sweet… Sweetest of them all, ah… but somehow I’m fine now…

Alright, I have to leave for work, I hope it’ll keep my mind busy.

Day 0

It’s settled.. I’m gonna do this. When I have cravings for Him, I will write. It usually helps. We talked this morning what I think was the last time. I’m gonna go with last time here. To make it easier for myself. I’m writing these lines while pouring down a vodka on my throat. It helps me relax. I had cramps in my stomach and panic attack lately because of Him. You know how love is.. It makes you go literally crazy. But with my past? And with His? It would have never worked. I know this, but you just can’t stop when you’re in love, can you?

I’ve tried to delete all His stuff – oh you don’t know the funniest thing yet! We’ve never met! In my browser there;s a page still open from His hometown… Fuck, I can’t do this!

[20 mins later]

He just texted me. I really should delete Him from everywhere, but I can’t. As I wrote earlier I’ve tried to delete His pics and vids but I couldn’t… not all of it at least. God this is so hard.

I’ve recorded my heartbeat for Him! I mean, seriously, who does that? God, I’m lost… I’ve never felt anything like this before and I have to give it up, for both of us sake.

I will post our background later.. Just so you know how things are.. sorry.. were with us.

His is my world, and I have to let Him go. My Master, my Friend, my Lover, the perfect Man from my dreams.