Day 19 – calm again

It’s good. I have more and more calm periods, maybe i finally will be ablee to get this right. I just realized that it’s the same with Him as with my body-image. When i feel down or sad or anything everything gets twisted. Everything. The mirror shows a completely different woman, an ugly one with tons of flaws. And that is the time when i get unsure about Him and His feelings towards me. Ive learnt to handle the mirror thing, i know it’s only my mind playing its dirty tricks on me. Maybe i just need to learn the same thing considering Him. He won’t change His feelings just because i feel sad. It doesn’t make sense and i can see it so clear now. I need to hold onto this. Because how i feel now? It’s fucking perfect. I don’t need more, He is there for me. I’m not sure on the love part, but you see, it’s different in my language. We have more words for it, different words for friendly love and real love. 

I don’t know… I’m not even sure it’s love what i feel. It’s intense, yes. Painful sometimes. I’ve never felt so much lust and longing towards anybody before… It can be unbearable and i just want to stay lost in Him. To give more, to make Him feel special, wanted and needed. To give Him back what i feel when His attention is focused on me. That is – without doubt – the best thing what happened to me in my entire life. And i want to give it back to Him. 

It’s so much more than love.

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Day 12

He made me so horny with His texts.. i wanted to touch myself, but my boyfriend was still around. 

So instead i let him fuck me. I asked him to be selfish and make it quick, i only wanted to feel his cock moving in and out. No kissing, no emotions. Just fucking.

I could only think of Him… My pleasure is His, i’m keeping it for Him. I want Him to hear me scream in ecstasy.. My body.. my orgasm… my life is… 

His to command.

Day 5 – morning

Oh God, i easily could get used to this. His morning texts and stories in the last two days.. He made me aroused, horny and wet. In public. I have to resist the ugre to touch myself then and there, on the tram. I wouldn’t care about people watching, i just want to do it. My clit is throbbing, my heart is racing, my body is on fire, i keep noticing i’m holding my breath while He is typing. 

When He’s calling me His good girl my heart skips a beat. He is so perfect in every way. I want Him to know how i feel, but i can’t describe it. I don’t have the words nor the talent to do so. He is my Master, my Love, my Life, my everything. I yearn for Him, my body aches for Him, i breathe for Him and my heats beats for Him.

I always be His.

His babygirl, His whore, His slave.