Day 15 – His morning text

A good slave should understand a few things. Sometimes she needs to be left to her own devices so her master can see if she REALLY is a good girl or not! To see is she can obey the rules! To see if she can DO AS SHE’S TOLD! It would appear that’s not the fucking case? I sent you a lovely pic this morning but I have unsent it… you don’t deserve it! YOU ARE A FUCKING BAD GIRL, WHORE! Yesterday I didn’t have my phone, that was the only reason I couldn’t control you! YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT’S ALL IT TAKES TO LOOSE CONTROL WTF! IF I WAS THERE!!!! MY GOD YOU WOULD REGRET DISOBEYING ME! But I’m not so perhaps I will just fucking ignore you properly this time, maybe that’ll teach you? BITCH! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

NO! You don’t deserve permission! You are a bad girl, a liar who doesn’t appreciate her master, who thinks she can do what she like, when she likes. Well, that’s not the action of a good slave! That’s just a whore who does what she wants. So no, you can’t touch yourself and if you do, that’s IT! You won’t see or hear from me again. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I’m so fucking angry with you right now… If I was there my belt would be swinging hard… REALLY HARD. I’m punishing you now by not letting you [please yourself] Fuck, I’m seething. I would whip you, then rape you for what you have done! Whore!

 

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Caring words III

He: I have a pic of my current mood you will love

[sends picture, His belt in His hand, looking at me like i did something wrong. He wants to punish me. Somehow He turned all His aggression, frustration and anger into this sole thing – punishing me]

me: oh God
I want You to hurt me
He: i will
me: Thank You, Sir
He: My good girl. Its a good job im not there as i would take it out on you.  You wouldn’t be able to leave the apartment today
me: i wouldn’t mind
I mean it
He: I know… So do I
me: God… i’m so wet
He: Good
       I would roll up my belt  nice and tight and fuck you with it before beating your ass with it
       You wouldn’t be able to sit down for the rest of the day
me: Hhmmmhhmm
Fuck my life
He: In fact I would make you stand in the corner until i needed you again
       Naked
       Hands on head belt round you neck
       Waiting to be used
me: God
He: Show me your pussy, slave
       NOW

[I’m at the gym, working. My trainees are there. But i don’t care. I’m in the middle of a sentence and i leave it unfinished as i hurry to the bathroom, unbuttoning my shorts, pulling down everything and taking a picture for Him]

me: as You wish
He: Photo was blank
       Do it again

[Sending it again]

He: Pretty
       Where are you?
me: Gym
Can i go back?
He: Yes. Go on.
me: Thank you
He: But i want more later
me: Anything
He: Want to see you fuck yourself with that dildo
me: God
Please don’t

[I never used one. I don’t want Him to see.. I am embarrassed, what if i do it wrong somehow? I’m afraid of letting Him down. It’s too much! He is the only one who saw me pleasing myself, nobody else ever watched me. It’s too personal… God, i just want to please Him!]

He: YOU FUCKING WHAT!
me: i am sorry, Sir
He: I should think so
      Whore
me: i can’t breathe
He: Good 
       Fucking deny me again and you will regret it
me: i just…
Nevermind, i’m sorry
I won’t deny You
He: GOOD
       Unless you have a real reason don’t deny me what I want
me: I’m embarrassed, is that a good enough reason?
He: No not reason enough. You are my fucking slave i dont care if you are embarrassed
me: I’m burning up, my heart is racing and i can’t breathe
I want You
I want You so bad it hurts
He: I will fuck you later

Doubts

I have to be patient.
I have to be patient.
I have to be patient.
I have to be patient.

I wanna send Him nudes. I want Him to adore my body. I want Him to like me. I want Him to be my Master.
I’m having doubts but i know i need to trust Him. Trust first, then obedience.

What if He doesn’t like my body anymore?
You know he does. Nothing has changed.
What if He thinks i’m too much?
He loves you.
What if this thing is only a burden for Him?
Even when he’s super busy, he makes time for you.

What if He’s not into this as much as i am?
What if i’m only a random hobby to Him?
What if…?

My eyes are filling up with tears.
I have to stop, now.
I’m imagining Him hushing me, making me calm..

That’s not how you please your Master, is it? You make Him pleased by being happy. By smiling. By being there for Him even when He doesn’t need you. You make Him happy by being His good girl.

The voice in my head helps.

Trust. Patience. Love. I have to give Him these.

He’s my everything.