Caring words IV

[I was going through His texts, the best bits, the saved ones which always make me wet.. It wasn’t different this time, either. He was out but i still asked for permission and waited 15 minutes before i finally decided to touch myself without Him allowing it to me]

me: Aaaaah get back, i need permission

[25 mins later]

He: I’m back
       ❤
       My God woman, you feeling extra horny today
me: Oh… you’re here…
        Uhm…
        I… uhmm…
He: Go on then
me: I… have… already done it
He: What? Before I came home!?
me: God, please don’t be angry
He: Oh dear
me: I’m sorry, i just couldn’t wait any longer
He: it’s still going in my little book
me: No, baby, please no [sad face]
He: It’s okay… You will pay for every one in September
me: What book, anyway? No, please, this is not my fault
He: It is
me: You weren’t here
He: You’re a little whore [Chloe] and you will pay
        In so many ways
me: September is 3.5 months away
        You’ll forgive me by then, i’m sure 🙂
He: I’ll forgive you when you are begging me to stop whipping you
me: But but but
        You CAN’T leave a mark!!!
He: I won’t
me: How’s that possible?
       It’s not… is it?
       You’re just saying it to make me scared
He: It is possible. Not with a whip… but I can do things that won’t mark you, that will eave you feeling like you WISH I had whipped you

[I feel that warmth between my legs again… It’s like an unsatisfiable hunger, i need to do it again… My hand is moving down, i’m still naked… My finger is almost there, then i stop myself. I need His permission. Fuck… My heart is racing and i feel the blood throbbing in my clit]

me: {John}, Honey, please… stop it
        God, i’m so horny
He: See… you should have waited
       Because now you AREN’T allowed
me: Please, i beg you!
He: No way, you broke my rules
me: But You weren’t here!
He: So? You knew that I would be back
       You also knew you were disobeying me
me: Please! I need to do it
He: Tough you whore NO…. you can wait
me: Please! I’ll do anything… What do You want me to do?
He: I want you to do as you are told.
me: As You wish
He: Good girl

[I was gonna stop.. I was ready to let it go, I was ready to do as i was told, then He wrote those two words…. My heart skipped a beat and the world went blurry for a second. I felt the wetness spreading down there and i had to force myself to not touch it]

me: Fuck
        Too bad, i’m not there

[because I would kneel before You, Master. I would kneel, and get Your cock out, put it into my mouth and suck it until it gets hard in my mouth and then for even more, until You grab my head and start to force it all the way down on my throat… until i start to choke on it, looking up to You, tears in my eyes, make up ruined and You, Sir.. You just standing there with Your half-smile on Your face, holding my head until You come in my mouth…]

He: Oh, you are lucky… if you were mine, you would be regretting this now
me: What would You do?
He: I would string you up by your wrists from a pulley in the ceiling.
       And beat you with the whip handle.
       Before sticking it in your pussy where you would have to hold it in… if you let if fall out I would beat you again
       Until you got it
me: Can i touch myself now?
He: It’s been 5 mins
       Get fucked
       No
me: But You’re making me horny!
He: Good
       Then I would get my blowtorch and my small brand in the shape of my initial… Only 3mm big and I would heat it up until it was red
me: God, no
He: And give you a permanent reminder
me: Stop it
He: To DO AS YOU ARE TOLD
me: No, please, STOP IT
        I can’t breathe

[By this pint i can barely keep myself from touching my clit. My body is in flames, i’m panting, my heart is racing i\m so aroused i feel dizzy]

He: Good… I wonder how many little letters you would earn over the years
me: STOP IT
He: Enough to make a pretty pattern
me: [John]… I’ll be a good girl, joust please stop this
        I want You
He: I know
me: I’m really wet
He: Of course
me: Why are You doing this to me?
        God, please
       At least let me touch!
He: Because you didn’t obey me
       No
      5 mins… and I will think about it

[5 mins later]

He: Go on then
me: Thank You
He: But not inside
       Only your clit
me: Fuck
       As You wish
      …Sir
He: Good girl.. Imagine it’s my tongue

[I didn’t last long… I was so aroused to start with… As i closed my eyes He appeared… Touching me, hurting me, fucking me, loving me, holding me. I screamed while i came…]

Day 21 – feeling uneasy

Maybe it’s because this week was all about doctors and hospitals, i needed to get a paper saying i’m fit to compete and had to do a bunch of examinations. Plus i had to made stuff for my gym so i had little time to sleep. And with the competition right around the corner, i’m starting to feel nervous about that as well. Anyway, at least i got the papers and took this day off from work, so now i had a day – well an afternoon – to rest.

But this is just bullshit. My real problem is… well time flies fast and September… it’s gonna be here sooner than i expect and today i just realized i don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend. I mean yes, obviously i wasn’t gonna, but i had fantasies where He fucked me or i sucked His cock and so on.. I don’t know.. my line dividing what’s cheating and what’s not is kinda blurry. A kiss is not cheating. His cock in me would be cheating. He choking me, tying me up or hurting me in any physical way wouldn’t be cheating. I have my rules of these, but these are only physical things. Emotional cheating? Oh well, if you fall in love with somebody.. that, i would have considered cheating before. Now it’s different, because i love my boyfriend, but as much as i love him, he will never be able to give me what i need. In sex? Yes. We work pretty good together there, but almost every other aspect of our relationship needs improvement. And i know i’m not a good person, seriously what the fuck is this blog here, i\m at least i’m pretty self-conscious, i know myself pretty well and i’m trying to improve wherever i want. Important word here: Wherever i WANT. I could do more, but i’m happy with some of my issues and i’m deliberately won’t ‘fix’ them. But my boyfriend? Initially i could see him trying, but nowadays? Not really. I know it’s a complex issue and i needed to be more patient but how much of my happiness can i sacrifice while waiting on him? He’s not even trying!

I don’t wanna leave him. You can say everything about true love, but i’m sorry, real life is not a fucking fairy tale. If you want a long-time, working relationship, you have to settle for certain things. It’s not a fucking joyride, it takes patience, understanding, ability to compromise, empathy and a lot more to survive. And even when everything is there and things are working perfectly, even then, out of nowhere, can come a fucker who ruins everything.

Well i jumped from one relationship to the other all my life and i moved on when i got bored. Yes, it’s disgusting, but don’t be a hypocrite, you’ve done the same at least once. But when you reach that point in your life when you realize nothing will ever significantly change for you, you will try to settle down and try to stay in your relationship. I’m at that point now. I want to keep this. I want to have his child. Life is easy with him. We have our ups and downs, and now… we’re currently sitting in super-big hole and when i try to climb, he pulls me back. It’s not that bad as my previous partners were though and unlike those relationships, this one i want to fix.

But you see… How can i put effort in it, when He is here for me? When i finally starting to accept that He loves me back? When i’m not panicking anymore? And we’re gonna meet in 15 weeks… And what i need from Him…

That is considered cheating even by my fucked up standards.

Filth – Part 7 – Chloe

Filth – part 1 – Chloe
Filth – Part 2 – John
Filth – Part 3 – John
Filth – Part 4 – Chloe
Filth – Part 5 – Chloe
Filth – Part 6 – John

As I stepped outside I felt this sudden urge to turn around and lock myself up where it’s safe. I looked around and everything seemed perfectly fine. No reason to worry – I though as I headed to check my mails. There was an envelope inside. No addresses, no names, nothing. As I picked it up it hit me. I could smell him in the stairway. He was here, maybe he’s still here. Everything started spinning, my heart was racing, I felt the pure terror filling up my head until there was nothing left, no thoughts, no memories. Only the fear.

I have to run.
(never run)
But I have to!
(blood on the wall)
What else can I do?
(it’s your own blood, bitch)
He can be right behind me, he could stab me in any second!
(you know he will kill you if you run)
I can do this. Breathe… Breathe… That’s it. In and out… There we go…

I looked around. Nobody there. Silence. I was alone. Okay good. I opened the envelope. There was a photograph and a paper folded in half in there. I looked at the photograph. It was a woman in her mid-thirties, long brown hair, warm brown eyes, a cute smile. It was a small picture, probably made for an ID card. I unfolded the paper. A letter.

She expects me, but you will go to her instead.
Your task is to pick her up and bring her to me.
Be there by 11 o’clock.
Last chance. Don’t screw it up.

I checked the time and it was already too late to make it happen within the given time range, even if the girl was coming with me willingly, without questions. Still, I had to try at least, my own life was at stake. I knew he’d fucking kill me this time. I had to try.

I started to run. The girls location was 10 minutes away on foot. I was running as fast as I could thinking about how will I get her to cooperate. I felt my heels slamming into the ground. Heart pounding, I was panting, already running out of breath. My thoughts were racing – God, I was thinking so fast I couldn’t even catch up with my own brain. Drops of sweat ran down on my forehead right into my eyes. My vision blurred, I couldn’t even see where I was stepping. I fell and hit the ground hard. I felt a sharp pain in my knees and elbows. I could feel the blood spreading on my skin, mixing with the dirt and dust of the street. I got up not caring about any of that, I rubbed the sweat out of my eyes and continued to run. I heard my blood throbbing in my ears which somehow calmed me a bit. I’ve got this. I can do this. …I can make him pleased.

Minutes passed and I arrived at the given location.

I looked around and she wasn’t there. No, no, no, no! Panic started to kick in again. I don’t wanna die because of this fucking cow who was too busy to even show her fucking face! Where are you bitch? Don’t you dare to do this to me!

I was running around the place like a crazy person, tears in my eyes. Looking at the women one by one. Brown hair, brown eyes. God it seemed everybody looked the same. Why couldn’t he pick somebody less ordinary?!

Then I saw her smile. Oh no, she wasn’t ordinary, oh my God, not at all. I could see what he saw in her. Innocence, radiance, how she shone when she was smiling. Suddenly jealousy and rage filled my head. He chose her. He chose her over me! I felt bitter and empty. I wanted her to get hurt. I ran to her, she was on her phone, talking to somebody. I grabbed her hands, her phone fell on the ground. She was already upset, I could see. I started explaining what was happening. She pulled herself out of my grip and I could see on her face that I won’t be able to convince her. I reached for her again and started dragging her with me. She started screaming and people started looking at us. “No, no no, this can’t be happening, he will kill me, don’t you understand? Please, I beg you, come with me!” People now were running to us, helping the girl get away from me. Some of them, I could hear, were calling the police already. I had to leave. I had no other choice.

I fucked it up.
I fucked it up bad.

Without thinking I headed to the other location which was written in the letter.

Where he was waiting for me.

Filth – Part 6 – John

Filth – part 1 – Chloe
Filth – Part 2 – John
Filth – Part 3 – John
Filth – Part 4 – Chloe
Filth – Part 5 – Chloe

I had wanted her to come into the bedroom before I attacked but the hardness protruding from my groin took control of my brain. I dashed from my hiding place towards her. Eyes wide she tried to back away, to turn from me ready to scream but my hand was too quick across her mouth, the last breath sealed in… I turn her and my other hand goes to her throat pinning her against the door. I squeeze really fucking hard I see her eyes roll into her head and her tongue starts to bulge out her mouth drool spilling from the sides. It makes me squeeze even harder. “ I told you I would get you, bitch” I growl. Her hands fall seemingly lifeless at her sides. All the struggle gone… fuck I nearly come there and then… I snap back to reality and I’m still holding her by her throat. I relax my grip and as she falls I hear a small gasp of air!? My God she’s not dead! This is the best news. The bitter disappointment fades and is replaced by a new thought “I could keep her!” She could be mine forever? I could put her in the safe place. I’ve kept others for years. Kept them alive just… but I always bore eventually. No chase involved anymore no real terror once the first 2 or 3 months pass. They just end up hollow shells and even at the end when I finish them I get little pleasure from it.

This one. She’s different she has shown me that I can control her. That she wants this as much, if not more, than I do. She found me after all, she is the one who wanted all this horror. Who would I be to deny her that?

While she’s out I go to my bag and take out what I need. I strip her and tie her to her bed with knots that will tighten as she struggles when she wakes. From my bag I take my favourite knife. It’s been sharpened so much the cutting edge is razor thin. It’s a magnificent blade. A bowie knife that I’ve used for hunting more than just animals. I hold it glinting in the sunlight spilling through small gap in the curtains. Today it will taste her flesh for the first time. I fleetingly notice my cock is hard again and it brings me back. I walk to the bed and climb on, she stirs a bit. As I put my knees on her chest her pretty tear filled eyes snap open. She looks me right in the eye and starts to scream and scream but barely a noise comes past the ball gag I’ve stuffed in her mouth and she realises no noise is coming out. She struggles more the ropes tighten. I can see it in her scared eyes that she knows she is utterly doomed I reach back and slide a finger into her pussy and I can see she loves it I can feel her push against my hand, she wants this. I take my finger out and slip it in my mouth she is so wet!! It makes me more aroused than ever and angry! Angry that the fucking whore nearly made me kill her. Angry that if she had done as she was told and not ran this could have been avoided until I was ready. The anger starts to rise my fists clench tightly and I slap her so hard in the face it makes her start to cry. I grab my knife off the bed and start to run it from her throat where my hand is once again gripping tightly. Across her tits down across her stomach. Here I press a little harder and she cries out round the gag as her skin separates and blood spills from the blades path she bucks against the ropes and I swear she came again! It’s a not deep but the warm red soon spills onto the sheets. I watch it pool in her belly button as she lies there motionless. She’s not dead just passed out again. I take my finger and dip it into the blood in her navel and start to write on her wall ”never run. ” the full stop runs slightly down the wall I watch it for what seems an age.

I untie her while she was still out cold. I change her bed sheets (taking the blood stained ones with me as I do her panties) . I make her bed and clean her up. I use some sterile tape on her cut . I leave the apartment as I found it apart from that message. The full stop drip now reaching the floor.

Next time she wouldn’t dare run and if she did the room I have prepared for her would be ready for its long term guest.

Filth – Part 5 – Chloe

Filth – part 1 – Chloe
Filth – Part 2 – John
Filth – Part 3 – John
Filth – Part 4 – Chloe

Dim lights. Distorted noises. White.

Where am I?

His voice.

What happened?

Whispering to my ear. White again. More noises.
“Wake up….” (more white) “…perfect…” (what is he saying?) “…deserve….” (it doesn’t make any sense!) “…kill you…”

Everything is crystal clear now. I am in my bed. Almost naked, wearing only my underwear. I feel adrenaline rushing through my veins, I can feel my heartbeat getting faster and faster. I’m opening my eyes now, he is kneeling on top off me his face is next to mine. He is dressed up. I can see him smiling, his eyes flashing. I can see something in his eyes, something horrible. I can’t put my finger on it but it makes me petrified. I want to shove him off of me, but I can’t move my arms. Fuck! I’m tied down! Oh God, this is gonna be the end of me! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I try to get my hands out but the rope he used is only getting tighter as I’m trying to free myself. I’m screaming now, but I can’t hear my own voice. There is something in my mouth. God no! Please! I am gagged. I can feel tears running down on my face, I crying like a baby. I am terrified.

Now he moves, he’s sitting up. His weight pins me down. He puts his hand in my panties then pulls it out. (What is he doing? God… Is he checking…?) He puts his fingers in his mouth and starts grinning.

Good girl – he says and licks his fingers clean.

He continues to speak, but I can’t hear him. Why am I wet? I’m crying so bad I barely can breathe. I hate him, how can I be wet? Then all of a sudden he slaps me.

Pay attention when I’m talking to you, bitch!

My eyes are wide open, no more tears and I’m more scared than before. I know I’ll die here. He puts his hand on my throat again, grips it tight. I can see he’s reaching for something with his other hand. Light shines on the blade he’s pulling out under the blanket. He lets me breathe now. Fresh air is filling my lungs, but it doesn’t last long. He tightens his grip again and I can feel the cold blade on my ribs. He gently runs the knife all over my body, discovering every part of it. Light and noises are beginning to dim once again and I’m thinking it’s not a bad way to go, at least I won’t feel any…

PAIN!

Another big amount of adrenaline rushes through my veins and even though he still holds me down and I still can’t breathe, everything gets clear again for a while. It’s enough to me to grasp what’s happening. As I look down on myself, I can see red. A lot of red. Oh God! I want to scream! That fucking bastard CUT ME!

I can feel my blood throbbing in my ears . I know I’m gonna pass out within seconds, only the pain keeps me awake. The pain and.. that feeling… between my legs. Hot. Wet. I want him to fuck me, I want him to put his cock inside me. I want him to rape me. I can feel my pelvic muscles contracting as I’m having another orgasm and then everything turns black once again.