Day 27 – rules don’t apply

I don’t need permission anymore to touch myself.

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Caring words IV

[I was going through His texts, the best bits, the saved ones which always make me wet.. It wasn’t different this time, either. He was out but i still asked for permission and waited 15 minutes before i finally decided to touch myself without Him allowing it to me]

me: Aaaaah get back, i need permission

[25 mins later]

He: I’m back
       ❤
       My God woman, you feeling extra horny today
me: Oh… you’re here…
        Uhm…
        I… uhmm…
He: Go on then
me: I… have… already done it
He: What? Before I came home!?
me: God, please don’t be angry
He: Oh dear
me: I’m sorry, i just couldn’t wait any longer
He: it’s still going in my little book
me: No, baby, please no [sad face]
He: It’s okay… You will pay for every one in September
me: What book, anyway? No, please, this is not my fault
He: It is
me: You weren’t here
He: You’re a little whore [Chloe] and you will pay
        In so many ways
me: September is 3.5 months away
        You’ll forgive me by then, i’m sure 🙂
He: I’ll forgive you when you are begging me to stop whipping you
me: But but but
        You CAN’T leave a mark!!!
He: I won’t
me: How’s that possible?
       It’s not… is it?
       You’re just saying it to make me scared
He: It is possible. Not with a whip… but I can do things that won’t mark you, that will eave you feeling like you WISH I had whipped you

[I feel that warmth between my legs again… It’s like an unsatisfiable hunger, i need to do it again… My hand is moving down, i’m still naked… My finger is almost there, then i stop myself. I need His permission. Fuck… My heart is racing and i feel the blood throbbing in my clit]

me: {John}, Honey, please… stop it
        God, i’m so horny
He: See… you should have waited
       Because now you AREN’T allowed
me: Please, i beg you!
He: No way, you broke my rules
me: But You weren’t here!
He: So? You knew that I would be back
       You also knew you were disobeying me
me: Please! I need to do it
He: Tough you whore NO…. you can wait
me: Please! I’ll do anything… What do You want me to do?
He: I want you to do as you are told.
me: As You wish
He: Good girl

[I was gonna stop.. I was ready to let it go, I was ready to do as i was told, then He wrote those two words…. My heart skipped a beat and the world went blurry for a second. I felt the wetness spreading down there and i had to force myself to not touch it]

me: Fuck
        Too bad, i’m not there

[because I would kneel before You, Master. I would kneel, and get Your cock out, put it into my mouth and suck it until it gets hard in my mouth and then for even more, until You grab my head and start to force it all the way down on my throat… until i start to choke on it, looking up to You, tears in my eyes, make up ruined and You, Sir.. You just standing there with Your half-smile on Your face, holding my head until You come in my mouth…]

He: Oh, you are lucky… if you were mine, you would be regretting this now
me: What would You do?
He: I would string you up by your wrists from a pulley in the ceiling.
       And beat you with the whip handle.
       Before sticking it in your pussy where you would have to hold it in… if you let if fall out I would beat you again
       Until you got it
me: Can i touch myself now?
He: It’s been 5 mins
       Get fucked
       No
me: But You’re making me horny!
He: Good
       Then I would get my blowtorch and my small brand in the shape of my initial… Only 3mm big and I would heat it up until it was red
me: God, no
He: And give you a permanent reminder
me: Stop it
He: To DO AS YOU ARE TOLD
me: No, please, STOP IT
        I can’t breathe

[By this pint i can barely keep myself from touching my clit. My body is in flames, i’m panting, my heart is racing i\m so aroused i feel dizzy]

He: Good… I wonder how many little letters you would earn over the years
me: STOP IT
He: Enough to make a pretty pattern
me: [John]… I’ll be a good girl, joust please stop this
        I want You
He: I know
me: I’m really wet
He: Of course
me: Why are You doing this to me?
        God, please
       At least let me touch!
He: Because you didn’t obey me
       No
      5 mins… and I will think about it

[5 mins later]

He: Go on then
me: Thank You
He: But not inside
       Only your clit
me: Fuck
       As You wish
      …Sir
He: Good girl.. Imagine it’s my tongue

[I didn’t last long… I was so aroused to start with… As i closed my eyes He appeared… Touching me, hurting me, fucking me, loving me, holding me. I screamed while i came…]

Day 3 – afternoon

I’ve started to clean the flat and after like 40 mins I’ve just sat down to rest a second. To think and now… I need to touch myself. It’s crazy how horny I can get by only thinking of Him. And the strange thing is… almost everything reminds me of Him. I have these ben wa balls.. I used to send Him videos of me inserting or pulling them out… He loved those… Now I can’t use them without thinking of Him.

A few weeks ago I needed His permission to touch myself. I won’t tell Him now. He’s busy and I can’t make things how they were before. He can, but not me. I hope He will, in time, but I have to be patient, I have to let Him decide how this will be from now on. Everything is up to Him.

But the thing is… It’s a bit hard to talk about this, even here, even to you.. How can I put this… When we have sex with my boyfriend, I don’t want him to make me come. I’d rather please myself later on when his not around.. I still enjoy having sex with him and i like to please him of course, but my pleasure?

I want to offer it to Him somehow, even though He won’t ever find it out. Yes, I know, I’ve sent Him the link to this, but He said He won’t really be around reading it. So I will go with “never” here and continue to write as that.

Anyway… I feel like if I’m pleasing myself thinking of Him, I somehow can get closer to Him…

And that’s what i need right now…
I’m not gonna watch His videos though.
Not just yet…
God, I’m so wet…
I want His cock…

I want it inside me… I want Him to fuck me from behind while holding me by my throat whispering filth to my ears… I want to hear Him moan, I wanna feel Him come inside me just when I would faint from choking He’d relax His grip and let me breathe again… God I need Him here!

Day 2 – morning

I’m still in bed, i was up for a while now, waiting my bf to leave. I’m clinging to His image in my head. I woke up all horny and wet.

I was thinking about Him. If just He would be here next to me. I slowly move my hand down… stroking my stomach… down further… to feel my clit. Its exceptionally hard. I start to rub myself and keep playing the images of Him in my head.

He is in top of me. His hard cock pushed against my panties, pushing the fabric inside me. His hands are next to my shoulders, pinning me down to the bed. I reach for His face, i cross my fingers around His neck and pull His head down to me. I lick His lips then tilt His head letting my lips reach His neck. With one hand He reaches down, removes my panties from the way.

I’m rubbing my clit faster now. I’m so wet oh my God, i can’t believe it. I slide my panties as He does in my fantasy and slowly push my finger inside.

He starts to push himself into me but He changes his mind. He keeps his cock only at the entrance of my hole, playing with me. I moan in pleasure and bite his neck. I can hear he likes it as he starts to pant a bit faster, his warm breath, i can feel on my neck.
I put my legs around his waist and pull him down. His cock penetrates me all the way and he moans as he goes in full length. He starts to move, i don’t have to pull him anymore he just can’t stop himself.. he moves faster and faster i can feel the veins on his cock rubbing against me inside. I kiss him… god i love his lips.. i can see he’s about to come, he’s moaning and grunting.

I rub myself faster now, with two fingers moving quickly inside myself… my whole body is hot, i moan in my bed… arching my back, every muscle tightened in my body as i come… i’m imagining him coming inside me which makes it perfect.

Good morning